But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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