So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
