just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
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