Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Randomize