I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
