I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Randomize
