Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
