I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
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Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
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Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
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