I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
Randomize