Apparently you make a good broom.
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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