dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
