So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
