Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
