Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
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