I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
Randomize
