I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
I think my moral compass just broke
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