I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
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