I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
Randomize
