My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize
