period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
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