just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
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