I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Randomize
