The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
Randomize
