we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
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