Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Randomize
