who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
Randomize
