you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
should my penis look like a turkey
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Randomize
