This is not my ceiling
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
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