I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Randomize
