Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
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