i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
Randomize
