Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
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