is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
my poor anus
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
