she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
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