i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
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Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
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I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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