Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Randomize
