At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
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