White coat. Heels.
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
Randomize
