I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Randomize
