Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Randomize
