my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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