my room smells like sperm. sweet.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Randomize
