I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Randomize
