you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
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