OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
Randomize
