dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
Randomize
