i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
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