I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
So here I am, sexting at work.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
