you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
