Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
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