oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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