I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
You can't special order awesome
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Randomize
