you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize