I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
I want a musical about memes.
Randomize
