You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Randomize
