I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
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