when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
there's paper in my vomit.
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
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