who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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